A Song of My Own
by tomoyohime8
Summary: i love you too. and i'm sorry. rated for hints of shoujo ai and shounen ai. written for claire-chan, on lj's cardcaptorgifts. fate isn't written on stone can be considered as an indirect sequel, set five years later.


disclaimer: ccs is the property of clamp. anything else is really unnecessary.

A Song of My Own

tomoyohime8

A/N: this was a gift fic i made for Clairechan on LJ's cardcaptorsgiftexchange

Tomoyo couldn't help herself.

She held a bit of the curtain aside, watching the auditorium slowly fill up with people.

This was it.

Her last performance with the Seijou High Choir. After Christmas, she and the other senior members would be too busy to fully participate in festivals and other programs.

"Tomoyo-chan! Tomoyo-chan!" someone called out behind her.

"Sakura-chan" Tomoyo greeted her friend.

"Are you nervous at all, Tomoyo-chan?"

Tomoyo shook her head. "Not really. I know Sakura-chan will be there watching, so I have to do my best."

"I know you'll do great, Tomoyo-chan, because you are Tomoyo-chan after all!" Sakura proclaimed vehemently.

"So how is Touya-san recovering from the news?" Tomoyo asked lightly.

Sakura pouted. "Onii-chan has had nine years to get used to it. He moved in with Yukito-san in his first year! And it's not like I'm actually moving in with Syaoran – I'm staying in a dormitory!"

Sakura released a long exasperated sigh. Both girls could still vividly recall the look on Touya's face when he learned that Sakura was going to university in HongKong.

"And what about Kinomoto-sensei? How did he take the news?"

"Otou-san was really supportive. He even helped me fill out the enrollment forms, and he's coming with us for a few days to help me move in."

"So I guess everything is already prepared, ne, Sakura-chan?"

Sakura smiled wistfully. "I'll miss everyone, especially you, Tomoyo-chan. We won't be able to see each other very often, especially since you're going to study all the way in Paris!"

Tomoyo took Sakura's hand into her own. "Don't worry Sakura-chan. We will meet again soon! i still have to record all of Sakura-chan's important events, after all!"

Sakura hugged her friend. "I've given up on trying to discourage that particular hobby of yours, Tomoyo-chan. If it makes you happy, it's okay with me."

"Anything that makes you happy, Sakura-chan will make me happy as well."

"Oh tomoyo-chan… you never change. And I hope that you never will. But – please don't forget that you can be happy for yourself too, okay?"

"I love you, Sakura-chan."

"Sakura smiled sadly, and held on to her best friend.

"I love you too, Tomoyo-chan, and… I'm sorry."

"Sakura."

The girls turned to see Syaoran looking through the glass pane in the door. Tomoyo went to let him in.

"Sakura, your brother is looking for you." He cleared his throat.

Tomoyo giggled. Even after all these years, and despite Sakura 's futile attempts, the two men were still unable to bring themselves to call each other by name.

"Where are they, Syaoran?" Sakura asked.

"I left them near the entrance. Do you want me to come with you?"

"Oh now, you don't have to. Besides, you and Tomoyo-chan haven't had a chance to talk yet. I'll see you later than, ne Syaoran?" Sakura gave him a peck on the lips, before leaving the room.

Syaoran stood in a daze for a few moments, his face turning a bright red. He didn't dare meet Tomoyo's laughing eyes.

Syaoran's scowling only made matters worse. Tomoyo collapsed into a fit of giggles.

"Gomen ne, Li-kun… but you look so adorable! It makes me wish I hadn't left my camera with my mother."

"Thank heavens for small miracles. Are you all set to move to Paris?"

"Mother and I are going there in August to pick out a flat."

Syaoran looked at her, concern in his eyes. "Are you going to be alright there, Daidouji – san?

"I'm sure I will be fine, Li-kun."

"Sakura and I will always worry about you, no matter what. That's what nakama are for, after all."

Tomoyo blushed and looked straight down. When she looked up again, Syaoran was disconcerted to see that she had tears in her eyes.

"Daidouji – san…"

"OH, don't mind me, Li-kun. It's just that – knowing that I've such good friends makes me so happy."

She smiled sadly. "But I know that this time away will be good for me. I need this trip."

Syaoran smiled. "I know. And I respect your decisions."

They were interrupted by a timid voice.

"Excuse me, Daidouji-san… ano…" a freshman stood behind them, twiddling her thumbs nervously, her gaze down.

"What is it, Fumiko-chan?"

""Ah, Sado-sensei says that we should get into position… we're going to start in a few minutes."

"Alright. Ill be right there." The girl bowed and left.

Tomoyo turned to Syaoran.

"I'm sorry, Li-kun, but if you'll excuse me, I have to go now."

"Don't worry about it… but Daidouji – san…"

"Yes, LI-kun?"

"Daidouji-san… I – I'm not sorry that Sakura chose me, but I am sorry that you weren't able to be with the one you loved. But, I do know that someday, you will find that person who will love you and only you. There's no one who deserves more."

Tomoyo moved closer and stood on her toes to give Syaoran a hug. She giggled, seeing him blush furiously.

"My my, Li-kun. You've never changed. Now, I really must go before they start without me. I hope you enjoy the show."

"Break a leg."

Tomoyo took her place onstage. The curtains rose and she took a deep breath as the first bars of the melody played. She would sing the introduction first.

_**H**__ave yourself a merry little Christmas, __Let your heart be light _

The choir followed her cue.

_From now on, __our troubles will be out of sight_

As she sang, Tomoyo scanned the crowd.

She saw her mother, behind her a crowd of professional photographers. She was trying to edge away from Sakura's father, who was smiling gently and occasionally taking pictures.

Beside him was the rest of her family.

Sakura and Syaoran. Sakura waved at her direction.

Tsukishiro-san and Sakura's brother, the latter glaring over protectively at his sister's boyfriend and the former between them, his head resting against his lover's chest, effectively keeping Touya from reaching over to break Sakura and Syaoran apart.

Tomoyo grinned inwardly, and her eyes turned misty.

She would miss a lot of things when she left.

But she knew, as much as she knew she'd miss them, that she needed to go.

She needed to sort out her life, and she couldn't do that here, where it was too comfortable to keep things as they were, to depend on the happiness of other people for her own.

She couldn't do that anymore.

_"__Please__, don't forget that you can be happy for yourself too."_

She'd been singing someone else's song for far too long.

But she hoped, as the song finally came to a close, that when she came back…

_**T**__hrough the years __We__ all will be together, __If the Fates allow __Hang a shining star __upon the highest bough. __And have yourself __A__ merry little Christmas now._

She'd finally be singing to her own melody.


End file.
